Online Host: Welcome! We are absolutely thrilled to be joined this evening by advice columnist Ann Landers! She has been the first thing many of us reach for in the morning, and her trusted advice is read in
Japan, Venezuela, Bermuda and Korea, to name just a few. She has danced with Robert Redford and slept in the White House....now you are here to join Ann Landers in her first online interview!
Online Host: Currently celebrating her 40th year as the "Most Trusted Woman in America" Ann has a new book called "Wake Up and Smell the Coffee" and it in she has included some of her funniest and most memorable letters from the past 40 years. Ann receives 2000 letters a day from around the world and says she has learned as much, if not more, from her readers as she has taught them.
Online Host: According to the 1996 Guinness Book of World Records, Ann Landers is the most widely syndicated columnist in the world, with an estimated readership of 90 million in over 1200 newspapers. She began writing her column in 1955. Ann was born on July 4, 1918 in Sioux City, Iowa. In private life, she is Mrs. Eppie Lederer and lives in Chicago. Send your questions now! Welcome!
Question: Ann, I have a good male friend in "cyberspace" who is hinting to meet me in person. We have been talking on line for over a year. We seem to have a lot in common and get along real well. Should I meet him? I'm afraid it will spoil our friendship.
Ann Landers: You've left out an important part - you don't say if you are married. If you are, I would advise against it. But if you are unmarried and unattached, I would want some very basic information about the chap before I would consider a face to face meeting. Ask, of course, his marital history. Does he have children from previous marriages? What is his education? If you are a Ph.D. would you be interested in someone who did not graduate from high school? Do you get the picture?
Question: Can you tell me your favorite column throughout the years and why? I've read your column for years and learned a lot....keep it up!! And thank you...
Ann Landers: After 40 years of writing this column, it is very hard to choose a "favorite." The ones I like the best are the ones where I am able to give specific help. Frequently I will quote authorities who are better qualified than I am to answer specific questions. It takes a good deal of time and energy to connect with these people but I think it is well worth the effort -- and those are the columns that I like the best.
Question: I had an affair with a co worker, and I am sure my husband knows. Should I tell him or should I wait for him to ask?
Ann Landers: My response may seem peculiar to you -- but is your co-worker a male or a female? I assume you are female and the affair was with a male -- but these days I am taking nothing for granted. If you can get back to me and let me know, I will be happy to respond.
Question: Dear Ann, I am engaged, and it is time to start the guest list. The problem is that I can't get my mother-in-law to be to give me a guest list, or even a number to order announcements with. How can I get her to understand the importance of this issue?
Ann Landers: I would hope that you would enlist the assistance of your husband to be. Give him three or four days to get that list from his mother - - and in order to avoid a serious break with this woman -- if your fiancee is unable to get the list, go ahead without her input.
Question: Dear Ann, my sister never sends cards or presents to anyone. She doesn't act angry with the family, and her excuse is that she doesn't have time. She hasn't even acknowledged the birth of my first baby in January! Should I tell her how I feel, or just let it go? Thanks, Cardless in Hawaii
Ann Landers: It does no good to complain about people not sending gifts or acknowledging events that you feel deserve notice. Make no effort to tell your sister that you are upset or hurt or annoyed or whatever, just let her negligence pass "un-noticed" and make it a point not to send HER special acknowledgments on her special days. Sometimes no message is the strongest message.
Question: Ann, why do you think that the toilet paper should be hung so that it is closer to the wall?
Ann Landers: That toilet paper issue has dogged me for 20 years and it doesn't seem I will get away from it in this lifetime. I prefer the paper hung down along the wall because it seems easier to reach. It's as simple as that! You'll notice that when it is hung so that it goes over the top, sometimes the paper sticks to the sheets under it -- when it is along the wall, it is free of other pieces of paper.
Question: Hi Ann, my husband is about 40 pounds overweight and his father is always telling him that he needs to lose it. It is driving him up the wall -- is it okay for him to tell his dad to can it? Thanks, Chubby Hubby's Wife
Ann Landers: Dear Wife, No one that I have ever heard of has ever begged or nagged a pound off of another human being. Your father in law's efforts are not going to make a pound of difference and your husband probably resents the nagging. Suggest to the father in law that he not mention it in the future since it is not going to help and is only irritating the situation. If you think it will help your cause -- tell him you got this advice from Ann Landers.
Question: Ann, I am 36 and have been married 8 years (this is a second marriage for both of us). My problem is that my husband has never shown much physical interest in me, and the past two years intimacy has become non-existent. What should I do?
Ann Landers: Has your husband had a physical check up recently? If not, insist that he do this. Check with his doctor and ask if everything is A-OK. I am unclear as to whether or not your husband is paying NO attention to you, or if his interest is just not up to your needs. If infrequency is the situation, I suggest backrubs, maybe a nice bubblebath together -- turning the lights off and having a candle on the clothes hamper -- all those extras that might make life a little more exciting. In other words, make the effort to "vamp" him a little. You'd be surprised how a small amount of aggressiveness can make in the
boudoir. PS. Many married couples allow their sex life to become boring. Perhaps this is what has happened to yours.
Question: Have you ever heard the story of "The Dog Named Sex"? I think I saw it in your column. It was hysterical!
Ann Landers: I can't imagine why you would ask that ! Of course, I remember. I printed it! It appeared in my column several years ago and have re-run it at least twice. If you saw "A Dog Named Sex" anywhere else, they picked it up from me.
Question: Do you ever grow tired of listening to people's problems?
Ann Landers: That is what this work is about. If I had grown tired of it, I would have hung it up long ago.
Question: This is my first time to do this. Welcome! Have you ever done this before?
Ann Landers: No, I never have before, and it is quite a lot of fun. It is also time-consuming so please don't look for me to repeat this performance.
Question: I have a 16 yr. old son and he wants a job, should he have one?
Ann Landers: You don't say whether or not your 16 year old plans to quit high school to take the job. If so, the answer is NO. If it is an after school job and perhaps Saturdays, I would say it depends on his grades. If his grades are not good, he should be improving his grades so he will have a decent average when he graduates. These days getting into a good college is difficult and students with low or mediocre grades don't make the cut.
Question: Ms. Landers, how long have you been giving advice and do you ever feel as if you have given the wrong advice and what do you do when it is too late to retract?
Ann Landers: I've been doing this column since 1955 which adds up to 40 years in the advice field. When I feel I've given the wrong advice, I admit it. I've done this several times and do not feel it has damaged my voracity in the least.
Question: My partner has lied to me for about a year about his dealings with his ex-girlfriends. Should I dump him or keep him? HELP.
Ann Landers: If I had a relationship with a man who lied, I would end it promptly. Apparently you've caught him a few times which should give you a fairly realistic picture of his true character. Dump him.
Question: Hello Ann! Have always enjoyed your column. I would like your advice on honeymoons. My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have never had a honeymoon...is it too late?
Ann Landers: It's never too late to have a honeymoon! I don't know where you live, but if you are on the East Coast or off Florida I recommend the Caribbean. Of course, the tickets should be bought well in advance to get the best possible price.
Question: How do I deal with an overbearing mother-in-law to be? She's starting to drive me crazy.
Ann Landers: I see the storm clouds gathering, dear. I suggest distance and do not complain to your husband to be. Just handle it tactfully by yourself. Be pleasant. And make certain that you avoid any head to head collisions.
Question: I have a friend that repeats her stories. I tell her that she has told me that and she insists on repeating it anyway. Any suggestions?
Ann Landers: Depends on how much you like this person and your threshold of tolerance. If the repeated stories begin to get on your nerves, you might just say "I really have heard this before and I hope you don't mind that I tell you flat out that I don't want to hear it again."
Question: Ann, my mom runs the sweeper every night, even if no one has been home all day. Does she have a problem?
Ann Landers: I suspect your mother has a neurotic compulsion that doesn't really harm anyone - unless she is running the sweeper when you are trying to sleep. Just ignore it because obviously running the sweeper fills a need for this dear woman. No one ever died from carpets that were too well vacuumed!
Question: I know you're for monogamy in marriages, but how do you feel about a little friendly flirting?
Ann Landers: Friendly flirting too often leads to big trouble. I don't recommend it. P.S. All flirting is friendly.
Question: What was it like when you started appearing in Newspapers? Was it a big thrill answering peoples questions? Do you still feel the same way even though you've been doing it for so long? We just love you!
Ann Landers: Thank you! I love you too and I certainly love this work. Responding to people's questions it truly rewarding, especially when I feel that I have been helpful. I cannot imagine doing anything more useful with my time and energy than writing this column.
Question: When were you in the White House?
Ann Landers: I have been there several times under several administrations. The last time I was in the White House was several weeks ago for a beautiful affair honoring Eleanor Roosevelt. The Clintons gave a wonderful party and I danced with the President. He is an excellent dancer and a very charming and gorgeous man. People rave about Hillary's hair, and they should because it is truly beautiful, but I must say the President's hair is absolutely gorgeous.
Question: Dear Ann, I am very unhappy at home and would love to get away. I am 16. Are there options for me?
Ann Landers: You don't say why you are unhappy. So I hesitate to give you any specific or concrete advice. I do feel that 16 year olds should work out whatever problems they can with their parents and stay under that parental roof.
Question: What do you think of a grandma (my mother-in-law) who hasn't visited us in over 18 years?
Ann Landers: I would say that the family sounds extremely dysfunctional. You don't say if you are in the same city, state, on opposite sides of the United States, or in different countries, so it is difficult to answer properly.
Question: Ann - is your book available now? I would love to see some columns from when I first started reading your advice - almost 20 years now!
Ann Landers: The book is called "Wake Up and Smell the Coffee" is a collection of 40 years of columns. It is a goldmine of information and contains many favorite columns of letters from thousands of readers. As you might imagine it took me and my staff a long time to put the book together, but it was well worth the time and effort. I am proud of this book and am delighted that it is being so well received.
Question: Ann...what do you do for a 10 year marriage that's losing its spice and the communication is gone? One partner doesn't know how to at all?
Ann Landers: I suggest counseling - - first individual for each of you -- and then some joint sessions. A marriage without true communication is destined to wither on the vine. Get help now.
Question: Dean Ann, I fell in love on line with a married man. I am married too... we're both dealing with guilt and baggage but in spite of the many complications, we love each other... we met last August... any advice?
Ann Landers: Hearing from a great many online people who are having affairs, it is an old story by this time. I would go for some serious counseling before making a move to break up my marriage. I can tell you that these internet sweeties always look a lot better on the computer than they do in person. So, my dear, beware.
Ann Landers: I've had a very good time on the internet and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Goodnight!
Online Host: Thank you so much for joining us! What a thrill it was for us to have Ann Landers online with us tonight! For some laughs and tears, be sure and check out Ann's book called, "Wake Up and Smell The Coffee" with her favorite letters and columns from the past 40 years. You may find the answers you need! Special thanks again to Ann! We wish you only the best! Goodnight from Harpo Studios!
